I posed a question at the end of one of my previous posts but I think it got lost down there.
I am a full time working mom and have been after the births of all of my children. They are 8, 6 and 15 months.
Since I've been reading the Catholic Mom blogs, I have noticed that nearly every mother who blogs stays home and probably 90% homeschool. I'm a convert and I'm wondering if I missed something somewhere.
Does the Catholic Church frown on moms working outside of the home? I'm feeling a bit guilty about this and it keeps popping into my head.
Opinions and thoughts welcome!
8 comments:
Angie,
I will be glad to post on your question, and maybe we'll have some comments (some days I have more than others, but this is an interesting topic...)
I would say 2 things to you right away, though...
1. You should know, I'm not Catholic. I'm quite Protestant, and not only Protestant, I'm Reformed Presbyterian - Luther and Calvin are our "Church Fathers!" :) Having said that, one of my best friends is Catholic, and so I've learned a lot over the last few years from her. I'm way open to those friendships. Wince... hopefully you are, too? Boy, aren't you thankful we don't live in the Middle Ages? :)
2. I'd also say you have displayed such a humble spirit, just by posing that question. Many people are "quick to defend, slow to listen." ;) That's a terrific example to set. My goal in answering the question will be to be equally humble and gracious. Right off the bat, though, I'd say no, there is no such "rule." I think you are finding that to be true because your statistics are skewed... my bet is that the women you are reading are stay at home, home-schoolers because those are the people who have the need and the time to blog.
This is my suggestion for the moment: try to discern where your "guilt" is coming from. Only the Holy Spirit can convict you, truly. Any other "conviction" will not be life and heart-changing. (and you need that true heart-felt conviction to stay home and do homeschooling well and for the right reasons in the long run... there would be sacrifices to be made). There are many, many voices out there (and lots of them blog away!!! :) )... but only One always speaks perfect truth, only One understands your heart completely, only One knows your motives, your family and your needs. It is true, sometimes God does speak to us, in a sense, through other means, like books or people. But be careful even with those things... the Word of God is the only binding and completely trustworthy Word of God to us.
Thank the Lord He does not dump everything on us at once! There is so much in my life for Him to do, and what I know about is not even the tip of the iceburg, I'm sure!! He is the definition of grace and mercy... when He is ready for you to make certain steps, you will begin to know it. And He is patient with us. It happens in whispers, here, there... you begin to see differently, you feel a growing, lasting conviction... your husband agrees and is supportive (maybe he even brings it up! pray about that, too!).... things fall together in miraculous ways. There is no use putting burdens upon our own backs. Hey, that's what the Reformation was all about, anyway! :)
What we need to do mostly is spread a lot of grace around!
I have found that many Catholics struggle with the subject of grace. I don't know if you are one of those, but if you are, I hope this will help. I am not Catholic, but I, too, struggle with it, thus the name of my blog. We must "preach the gospel to ourselves every day." That means remembering that "He saved us once, He saves us still..." every day, from our weakness and inability to live up to the law, the guilt of of our sin and the deceptiveness of our own hearts.
What a heavy answer to such a short question!
I am very impressed by your spirit and a little frustrated with my own stumbling words here... I find the need to point away from myself to One who knows you far better than even you know yourself.
I'll work on the post... I'll try to get it up by Sunday. People tend to log off Friday and come back Monday, so I want to hit it right.
Thanks for asking! I think it's an important issue. I ought to just "copy" this to the blog... it's long enough, for sure! Sorry about that...!
Jen
Wow Jen!! What a post. Thank you so much for your thoughts. You have such a good point about really needing to ask and listen to God on this one.
You cracked me up with your "middle ages" comment. I agree. I'm so glad that "we can all just get along." :)
I'm not really sure where my guilt is coming from. I have been thinking about it off and on since I have been trying to get into my CRHP classes. I always thought (and most of the time still do) that I'm a better mom for working. I'm not a patient person and I catch myself getting really irritated with the girls and becoming a screamer. I don't want to do that and I'm working on it. I wonder though, would I be worse if I were home with them all day?
I tend to get really excited about something and go completely overboard and then burn out. So, right now I'm very excited about changing my parenting habits and helping my kids be as happy and well adjusted as possible.
I do receive compliments about them and I'm thrilled, but I know there are things that we can ALL work on as a family and that's what I've been focusing on lately.
It's funny that you say that things fall together in the most miraculous ways. I truly feel that God helped me get this job. I had a good job for about 4 years and then the job started going bad. I wanted out for 3 years but never felt like I could go. Finally I posted my resume on Monster and out of the blue this place called me and I was hired within 2 weeks. I had always said if I could find a family friendly company I'd be happy. I have now found it! This is the best place I've ever worked and I have a wonderful, understanding boss.
I am happy here, but I can't help but wonder if I'm doing something wrong.
Thank you for your reply. I truly appreciate getting feedback. My husband says I like to gather opinions and pick my favorite! :)
You sound just like me! I also get excited about things and then peeter out. John's really good about keeping me from jumping off of those cliffs.
I think you're on the right track of listening closely, watching, waiting... you never know what is around the bend, but if you're open and willing to listen, God does have a way of finding you. :)I'm living proof of that!
I was so nervous about the post! It can be a sensitive issue, and I wanted to be careful, yet honest and informative. It's nerve-wrecking sometimes to put a little bit of your heart out there for everyone to read... (well, not everyone... anyone is a better word, I guess! As Mrs. Darling reminded me today, we are but a blip on the blogworld radar!). Thanks for your encouragement. You seem like such a sweet lady, I'm glad to have "met" you. :)
Jen
Angie,
I have to introduce myself as Jennifer's "Catholic" friend;)...I have read your post and question and am a little confused by it..I do not believe there is ANY doctrine in the church suggesting that women don't work outside the home...Aside from doctrine, we need to go FIRST to Sacred Scripture, and that is always the Bible....
In Proverbs 31:24, this woman of noble character "makes linen garments and sells them." She is doing what she needs to do to meet the needs of her family...
Having said that....
I do think the teachings are clear about priorities. It sounds and looks like from your blog that your family is clearly your first priority:)!
We are called in Titus to "train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be controlled, busy at home, to be kind and to be the subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:4-5
It sounds like there is guilt there that you need to pray and meditate on, because as a wonderful mentor in my life often reminds me, "God is NOT a God of confusion." If you feel confused, go to the source and consult HIM....
I have been a Catholic from birth, but have really come into my own in my faith journey in the last 20 years. I must say that as I look around at those women in my life, I am covered by a miriad of faithful women of ALL faiths...they range from Protestants, Southern Baptists, Church of Christ, Methodists, and of course Catholics...(Incidently, most of them have at one time been "something else," and are on the same journey that each of us is...)I really do not like the "labels." Each and every one of the women whom I call friend, adds so much to my spiritual journey...I call these women Christians who share a love of God, and the Word of God, and know that Jesus was sent into this world to save us..strip the labels away and we are at the very core, the same...
I have to tell you that most of the people that I know do not homeschool, in fact when we began this journey 4 years ago, I knew only a handful of brave souls...I think you have stumbled upon a corner of "blogdom" where we happen to be circling around...I agree with Jennifer, the statistics are likely skewed...
My only prayer for you is that you hear the voice of the Holy Spirit, allowing it to guide each and every move that you make...big and small...God is in the details...I was 'called' into this homeschool ministry...others are called to do many other things for Christ...I urge you to pray for peace and "hear" what HE is saying to you..."Be Still" and listen for the Spirit to speak to you about God's purpose for YOUR life..HE may need you at that job to do amazing things in HIS name...ONLY the Holy Spirit can guide you...I am just a homeschooling Catholic Christian Mom, walking the walk that I know Christ has laid before me...for today.:)
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself...Each day has enough troubles of its own." Matthew 6:34
I want to encourage you with a passage from the writings of Henri Nouwen, if you don't know of him, I encourage you to read some of his writings..they uplift my soul..
He writes, "The discipline of the heart helps us to let God into our hearts so that God can become known to us there, in the deepest recesses of our own beings. This is not so easy to do; we like to be the master of our own house and don't want to admit that our house is God's house too."
Wise words, meditate and pray...let the One who lives inside of you free you from guilt...listen for HIS voice and I promise you will be at peace...
I know that I have rambled on and on...but I wanted to "talk" to you...I hope that all of this "earthly" advice points you to the only ONE who intimately knows your heart....
I hope that this in some way makes sense...Peace to you and prayers for wisdom and knowledge in all that touches your life..
In Him,
Lori@allyouhavetogive
Thanks Jen for your encouraging words. Yes, it's hard to put it out there for others to comment on, but then again, my husband is right. I like to hear many opinions and put them all together. One person's view of the situation (whatever it may be) may be waaaaay different than another's. It's very interesting to me to see the different perspectives. Thank you so much for your sweet comments as well. when I read your blog, it inspired me in some way and I guess I felt that "bloggy connection." :)
Lori, wow! Your response was so wonderful. I don't know what to say. Actually there is a lot I want to say but I'm thinking I may put a new post up tomorrow when I've had a chance to think about how to respond........and when I've had some sleep. It's getting late in my part of the world and as you said, it's been a very busy Saturday. I'm honestly very thankful to have gotten your response as well as any others that are to come. I appreciate your honesty and friendliness.
One more thing, since we're having this big discussion tonight!
This is a tricky thing... but I want to make sure that I'm not "stepping in where angels fear to tread..." My instinct says to tell you to be careful when the voices around you are loudest... but at the same time, I don't want to take away any conviction that God Himself may be graciously leading you into. There is no way that I can know that, of course... but as a very last note, (promise! :) ) I would again reiterate that it is important to allow God freedom in your life. God does not shame us, but He does convict us from time to time. That kind of conviction points not to US, as people... He never makes us feel LESS... but it will point to someTHING in us that can change. This is why I hesitate with these kind of posts - only God and you can determine the differences between the two in your life. I want to do the right thing before God, too, so I don't want to be seen as trying to persuade you to let go of a healthy conviction, nor to put one on your own back... Either way, you're falling off one side of the horse or the other! Listen, listen, listen... stay awake, pay attention... I'm confident He will make it clear to you.
I'm sure you got way more than you were looking for this weekend, especially from ME! I feel the need for some SHORT posts this week!!!
And, by the way, I don't usually comment this much, either! Please don't fear me... ;)
Jen
The words of wisdom shared by these commentors say all that I was thinking, but much more eloquently. The Church does NOT have a teaching regarding working outside the home, so you can begin with that knowledge when it comes to dealing with your guilt.
One thing you might want to do is to take a break from reading some of the blogs that are leading you to these feelings (including mine if that is the case). Quiet your mind and heart, ideally in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, and give God time to speak to you. Maybe there is a nudging from the Holy Spirit in these thoughts, and maybe not. I will pray for peace of heart and mind for you.
Thank you for your response! I guess I've just always wondered this. I really appreciate all the input I've gotten.
I really think that I'm getting more out of the blogs than not. Even though this question seemed to become more prevalant in my mind after reading them, it was started by listening to the local Catholic radio. You might be familiar with it since we're both in Texas. KATH on AM. I love Heart, Mind & Strength with Greg & Lisa Popcak. After listening to them, I started to think about it.
Even if our current situation doesn't change, I feel that reading what I have and hearing what I have has made me focus more on spending time with my kids. I've already seen a change in them. I've even seen a change in my relationship with my husband.
Thank you so very much for your prayers.
I'm slowly adding things to our lives that weren't there before. For instance I'm taking my oldest to confession tonight. She hasn't been since her First Reconciliation and I haven't been in years. I think this is a great start for both she and I and a good opportunity for us to spend some time together enjoying God.
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